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Introducing….. Fatty McSlim

So, here comes another blog about being fat, trying to lose weight, loving cakes, never fitting into a size 8, bla bla bla!  It’s a hot topic with many different views, but on this blog, you’ll only hear mine, my struggle with being fat, pretending I am fine about it and living in a world where some (although a minority) celebrate it and most are disgusted.

Welcome to my world, the world of Fatty McSlim

 

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See yourself as others see you; session 3 of my lifestyle coach

Scenario 1
Colleague I don’t know that well at 5.30pm yesterday – “how are you Lou?”
Me going into auto HR help mode – “yes great, how’s things with you? Has your day went well, come in, what can I do for you?”
Colleague – “no, no I don’t need anything, you’ve just not been over today, bubbly and making us all happy so I thought I’d pop in and say hi”
Me – stunned into silence.
Scenario 2
Myself and 2 other girls sitting in my office and I’m telling them my weekend antics and finding out about theirs. Laughter is booming out the door and our CEO, over from NYC, appears and says he’s glad to see employees happy at work. One of the girls turns and says ‘oh this is normal, Lou always makes us smile.’ Again I’m stunned into silence.
Scenario 3
Me texting a friend about how crap I look, how I’m so selfish and how I need to stop being so bitchy. She replies ‘you are far far too hard on yourself’
Scenario 4
Sitting at dinner with a family member and he tells me he’s not surprised I make people smile as I’m really bubbly and always care for people. I’m stunned again thinking; is he honestly meaning me?
4 scenarios, not shared to big myself up but to give you insight into my 3rd session with Mr Happiness.
Why do I not see what others see? Why was I so stunned in these scenarios? Why do I not treat myself with the same care and consideration that I do with others? These are the questions we explored.
Do we ever pay attention to ourselves in a positive way? I complain about myself; how I look, worry about how I come across and chastise myself for it but I never recognise when I make someone smile or any positive impact I have on others.
If you observed yourself every day and see what others see – how would that change your view of yourself?
This is my challenge this week along with recognising the words and phrases I use to describe myself.
Today’s session was really insightful but a bit draining. I go during my work lunch break and I don’t know if I switch off enough to make the most of the time or on the flip side if after the session I’m at my best to go back to work.
Something for me to think about for next week! There was no white board this week but he gave me a video to watch which I need to try and study more closely. I get the gist of it but my brain was in overload so I will reflect and watch again this week. It’s 8 minutes long and in case you are interested the link is below. I haven’t breached any confidentiality as it’s freely available on you tube-
https://youtu.be/QrEei6W1ZX8
Before I go, it wouldn’t be a Fatty MCSlim blog without sharing some sort of mishap would it? I got my hair done this weekend and I was in the salon for nearly 5 hours. The usual with me as I’ve loads of hair and I’m in the process of lightening it with as little damage as I can.
Anyway I got a taxi home and the guy told me if I guessed his age he’d give me the taxi for free. I told him it was fine I’d pay. So he tells me he’s 57 but been heartbroken for 20 years over the same girl and he’d let me listen to the songs during the journey that reminded him of her. He starts playing sad Michael Buble numbers 😳😳. Then when I finally gets home he asks if he can show me a picture of her and out comes the I pad – I’d to sit for 5 mins looking at these photos.

Well hopefully I cheered him up I some way!

More info to follow next week: on the happiness guy not the taxi driver haha!

Love Fatty xx

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Hangover munchies or sick as a dog??

What does that even mean ‘sick as a dog?’ – I need to google this at some point.

Anyway it doesn’t matter as along with a short gene, a gobby gene and thick lovely hair gene, I was gifted with the hangover munchies gene. Unfortunately I’ve rarely been the sick as a dog type and instead work my way through mountains of food after a night on the fizz.

Yesterday was the Glasgow derby as well as the cup semi final and my beloved Celtic absolutely thrashed their opponents 4-0. My plan was to drink tea and calmly watch it but other events that morning put me more on edge and I raced to the shop for prosecco. I saw it as a positive as it’s the only time you’ll really see me race or break sweat of any kind!

After the game I shared a meat feast pizza, chips and mixed pakora with a friend. The only reason being to soak up the next bottle of prosecco I was about to drink! How sensible of me don’t you agree? I didn’t race to the shop for that one, I got a lift. No point exerting myself too much. Got to look after my body😂😂😂

Then when I finally got home at 9pm, I ate 2 slice of thickly buttered toast convincing myself it was so I’d not feel so hungover the next day. I’m not 100% sure but I may have had some crisps too. There are a few empty pkts beside the bin in my room (I have a crap aim) but they could be from any day last week really.

It’s now 10.30 on Monday morning and so far I’ve eaten:

  1. Seeded roll with cheese
  2. Cup of tea with part of an Easter egg
  3. Lollipop plus 3 mini refresher bars
  4. Pkt beef and onion crisps
  5. Pkt cheese and onion crisps
  6. Pkt ready salted crisps
  7. Cup of tea with 4 mini eggs

It’s not even lunchtime – come on 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

McDonalds deliver to my flat and it’s the most dangerous service I’ve ever been introduced too. Dry cheep burgers with plastic cheese seem to scream out to me when I’m hungover. I mean what even is that??

I’m determined not to get one but that won’t stop me stuffing my hungover gub with the contents of my fridge. I’m trying to watch my money as part of the lifestyle coach plan else I’d have usually got the McDonald’s dry burger (plus nuggets on the side of course) and later on a massive spicy curry.

I need a dose of the sick as a dog option. It would be horrendous but would save me plenty of “£££’s”from my purse and “lbs” from my body!

Hope you had a wonderful weekend.

Love fatty xx

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Mr Happiness; the challenge he faces….

Lifestyle coaching session achieved! Well the first one anyway.

Before I went to my appointment I decided in preparation for being the ‘new me’ I’d try and recreate a look based on when I felt at my most confident.

That, for me, was my teenage years. Unfortunately for me I don’t have the ability to iron my face lines (Botox appointment is so well overdue but I’m skint! – another issue to tackle!), or remove 8 stone from by body but I worked with what I had.

I wanted my hair to be as natural as I could so I left it to dry in my waves but thought I’d help it along with some oil spray. Yes, you guessed it, I ended up looking like I had dipped my head in an old chip pan.

I also decided to dig out my old pink blushers and dark eyeshadows in place of the bronzer and nude colours I wear during the day to work.

I was given a slap in the face realisation of why I had to ‘dig’ them out. I looked like coco the clown.

So to say I turned up looking like some sort of unwashed 80’s reject is being kind but at least he has seen me at my very worse.

I had no idea what to expect and was a bit apprehensive in case some overly smiley guy ran towards me and was all hugs and hyper activity.

I shouldn’t have worried as there was none of that. I had been given some home work to bring along which asked me what I wanted to achieve, what was stopping me and what I had tried before. It also asked what difference it would make to my life if I achieved my goals.

We spoke a lot about that which I enjoyed and he shared his background with me which was interesting and gave me an insight into his previous struggles, how he overcame them and how he can help me.

Then it went downhill. He got out the white board pens and drew a diagram of the brain and started to explain to me ‘Tri-Une Brain Theroy’ – it has to do with fight or flight mode and how we have 3 different parts of the brain – reptile, mammal and human.

Anyone that knows me understands I have no, ok very little, attention span. I get bored so easily and my mind wanders.

He was trying to get me to understand how the brain works and why I feel like I feel. I know for some people this is important and helps them get to grips will how they feel and behave.

For me, it makes no difference. I just want to fix it. To give him credit he did notice my wandering attention when he asked me why I wasn’t taking any notes. I tried to get out of it by saying I was planning to take a picture at the end so he took it on board that I find it difficult to learn or develop using this style.

See photo of whiteboard below, that I know I’ll never look at or try to understand again 😂😂😂😂

The first session was free so I knew it wasn’t going to be groundbreaking as he will want me to come back and pay. However he gave me enough faith that he could work with me and help me achieve some good changes in my life.

I’ve booked up for 4 sessions over the next 4 weeks and my first task is to pick my top 10 values from a list of 100. I think we then narrow this down to 3 in our session and work on who I really am, what my triggers are and how these values shape what I do.

I have no idea yet how this will make me 6 stones slimmer, financially more stable and wake up every morning with a purpose but I promised him one thing…..

I would commit to not giving up. Even if I have to take a pause or break, I won’t give up.

One thing I have in common with every failure I perceive I have had, is that I gave up. So I have promised if I try nothing else I try this!

More updates to follow next week, wish me luck

Love Fatty xx

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Diary of this tragic woman….

If the term ‘fucker of a day’ needed defining – Tuesday was it. I’ve been the emotional punchbag for half of my work. Decide to leave a bit early to get away and draw a line under it as tomorrow is a new day. Only me…

1) Gets on the wrong bus and doesn’t notice as I’m daydreaming and end up half way across town towards the opposite end of where I live

2) Finally get home and spend 10 mins trying to force my key in the lock wondering why on earth I can’t get in until my downstairs neighbour opens the door to ask why I’m trying to get into his flat? Lovely jammies Jim!! Jim now thinks he was on to a good thing. Either that or he’s sitting petrified the crazy neighbour upstairs is trying to move in with him!

3) Decide to go for a bath to chill and end up scalding my feet and pulling my shower screen right off the wall in the process.

BUT the most tragic part of it all was dropping my Jaffa cakes in the scalding hot bath too

Don’t judge I drink tea/beer/prosecco and eat Jaffa cakes in the bath. I’m sure you have worst habits!

It’s times like this I hate being single. Having a partner means they’d go to the shop and replace your missing Jaffa cakes 😜

Hope your day was as fantabulous as mine 💋💋

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Life Coaching – come and get me I am ready!

destination

So, I have decided to hire a life coach.  Yes, you read correctly.

Fatty McS is putting her future in the hands of a coach called ‘The Happiness Guy’

This weekend I sat in my flat with no people contact and no TV.  It was filled with lots of sleep, relaxation, pampering and reading.  It’s time out I take ever once in a while that sometimes causes my friends and family to think they need to plan an intervention and that I need ‘help’ but on a Monday when I surface full of smiles, a full face, heels and a spring in my step I know it was needed.  Having that time out from socialising gave me an opportunity to focus on what I want to do next with my life.

For anyone who wants a good laugh out loud book and who doesn’t embarrass easily (just calling it out) read ‘The Cows’ by Dawn O’Porter – I love reading but rarely do I laugh out loud during it but this had me in stitches.  Great read.

Anyway, back to my life coach idea, for those that know me, you will be aware, in the last year my life has changed drastically in terms of my job, relationships, where I live, and my whole outlook.

For those that don’t know me or don’t know me that well, put your wine and intrigued face away; you wont find any hidden juicy gossip, I will just allow you to continue guessing and/or make up your own version of events 🙂

I have had a crazy few months, made great decisions, made daring decisions, made silly decisions and also made decisions I will never ever make again – however I wouldn’t change any of them and can say I have had an absolute blast.

Its now time to re-align and get some goals.  I am no longer the person I was this time last year and sadly or not so sadly (I haven’t quite decided yet) my goals, my future and my aspirations have had to change.  That’s the story of life and I can either grab it and see it as exciting or I can wallow and think what if……?

I know what I would rather do.

So with inspiration from an ex colleague and someone who has inspired me so much I have decided to ask for help!  This is where Mr Happiness comes in.  I toyed with the idea for a few weeks thinking am I being pretentious? , can’t I just give myself a kick up the ass? However in my job I support leaders ever day in terms of encouraging them to have a mentor, a coach or a buddy.  Why is this any different?

I am venturing into a territory of the unknown and have no doubt it will be challenging but I am so up for it and ready to plan the rest of my life, well as much as I can…. with my record I will face many bumps and crossroads along the way.

I am not unhappy.  I would love to be healthier but my health in generally ok.  I would love to have a better relationship with some of my family & friends but I do have relationships with them.  I would love to stop doubting myself and really push myself outside my comfort zone and boundaries, but I do have a fulfilling job.

This is about making the best of everything I have and to stop living day to day.  Being spontaneous is a great quality and I admire myself for having it but stability in some form is important, well it is to me right now and I want to wake up every day with a goal and inspiration to be the very best version of me.

Watch this space, I meet the Happiness Guy this week, I am sure I will have loads to tell you.

Love Fatty xx

 

Plus Size Blogger

The pressure to be thinner – media or you?

Christina Aguilera is the first celebrity I remember being shocked at, due to the change in her size. As a teenager I followed her and Britney and loved their music. Dirty was amazing and that video in the boxing ring had me and likely most other girls my age trying our best to copy her dance moves.

A few years later she got a bit bigger and the media went crazy. I remember thinking omg she has got massive and wondering what happened. My older, some what wiser less media blind and definitely fatter self now sees she grew up and like us all her body changed. Looking at the photos of her supposedly fatter self I think she looks amazing and she is definitely not massive but pressure from the media, I assume, forced her to go back to a much thinner body. I think this may have been my first experience of how the media can influence your view on how a person looks.

Even if she chose to stay bigger, I shouldn’t have even blinked at her change other than to think she still looked fabulous. I feel ashamed that I was driven to have an opinion on how she looked and her body shape.

2 others that stick out are Kirsty Alley who has a long running battle with her weight and more local to me (media wise) was Fern Britton who was shredded to bits as she didn’t divulge that her weight loss was due to a gastric band. She was actually shamed and ridiculed for not telling the world this. She was told she was misleading her fans, from media sources who likely shamed her body shape for years.

Holly Willoughby has recently lost weight and had faced backlash that shes had the audacity to change her lifestyle and is no longer a ‘curvy’ idol. I mean seriously what is wrong with our society??!! It’s her body, she should be able to do what she likes.

Khloe Kardashian is another one who was constantly compared to her sisters and branded the ‘fat’ one. How ridiculous- look at these photos – she is beautiful in all!?

I wrote last month about how I involuntary reacted to a body shaming incident by not speaking up and feeling my presence in the room made it awkward for the shamers.

It made me think; I’d this my fault or theirs? Is it anyone’s?

I have always suffered from crippling low self esteem. Unless you really know me this will come as a surprise likely.

The talkative and crazy girl who overshares and wears loud make up and bright clothes could never have confidence issues…..

Even when I was thinner and at school, were I never struggled with my grades or passing exams, I did struggle with ‘fitting in’. I’m an introvert but funnily enough I had surrounded myself with extroverts and those who thrive on company.

I prefer closer friendships with a few people rather than a wide range of friends. This left me quite isolated as I surrounded myself with those who were the opposite. It likely made me come across as clingy and attention seeking but I have just always been more comfortable with one on one friendships. However a part of me longs to be able to have large groups of friends.

This has carried on as I’ve grown up but I’ve learned to embrace this and although I sometimes look at larger groups of friends out having drinks or going on holiday and think ‘how nice’ – I know being part of that would likely increase my anxiety to a level I don’t want to go back to.

I’ve been on a journey of body acceptance. I wouldn’t say I’m a huge advocate of body positivity for all or that I promote this at all times but I try to do this for me. I have been working on changing my mindset to love and accept all of me – physical and behavioural.

I read this tweet the other day from a girl who has obviously battled with her weight but has begun a journey to address this and now believes she used ‘body positivity to mask a dislike she had for her own body’

I still struggle with the argument that no one is happy fat. Is this true? Is it a mask and when you suddenly lose weight you can drop this and admit being fat to you is wrong?

I’ve been thin, chubby, fat and now verging obese. I have been happy, deliriously happy, sad and heartbroken but I don’t recall any of these feelings 100% relating to my size at the time. Yes I always thought being thin would change my life but in reality this is never the case – for me anyway.

Does this mean I’m hiding behind a mask and need to admit a truth to myself? Yes I would love to get some weight off and my size does get in the way of some aspects of my life but I genuinely don’t think it’s the key to my happiness?

This tweet from the girl who has lost her weight is quite judgemental – it shocked me that coming from a place where she felt she had to promote body positivity just to deal with her size – that she now feels it’s ok to tell others what’s ok and what’s not ok. I don’t know her full story though.

The recent cancer awareness campaign has also caused outrage as the claim is that obesity is directly related to cancer. There have been cries of body shaming and protests to remove this from the adverts.

I am a plus size blogger but as I’m getting older I try my best not to judge others. Everyone has their own journey, views and passions. I am trying to do everything with kindness which may make me boring and seen as having no real opinions. However I don’t like conflict, I don’t debate and I don’t know anyone else’s story.

It goes back to what I’ve always believed. Body positivity and loving yourself is a mental challenge not a physical one

💋💋

Plus Size Blogger

Size 22? Haha how hilarious….??

girl 1 – “Is that your cardigan?”

girl 2 – “are you kidding on? Haha”

girl 1 – ” it definitely must be yours, I checked the size, it’s a size 22. Hahaha”

Senior male colleague – ” ok even I know that’s huge and would never be girl 2’s”

girl 2 – “oh it’s a running joke we have. If we find clothing that others have left like jackets or jumpers that are big sizes we ask each other if it’s theirs”

Girl 1 – “she once handed me a size 20 jacket someone had left, haha yeh as if that would fit me”

Senior male colleague – ” haha what are you 2 like”

I sat in an office today as a size 20/22 and a colleague while 3 senior leaders had this conversation.

After I said nothing and continued to watch them interact, one of them had the courtesy to look ashamed. The others, not so much.

Size 22 – how hilarious eh?? Next time I get dressed I’ll make sure to roll about laughing. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Fat shaming? I think, today, I’ve just experienced it for the first time.

I always thought I’d challenge that type of behaviour but do you know what my immediate involuntary action was? To try and hide into myself. Why? Because I was ashamed? Or embarrassed? No, it was to try and not make them feel uncomfortable when they realised there was a ‘size 22- haha’ – sitting right amongst them.

Yep you read that correctly. My size was ridiculed in a room and I wanted to make it less embarrassing for them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s my first experience of fat shaming personally and i didn’t even realise it. I sat and acted like I was the issue and that it was my fault.

FattyMcSlim – you need your balls back.